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Telling Tales: Let the games begin...

Becky Andrews and Angel Kane • Updated Apr 22, 2018 at 12:00 PM

It’s that time of year again. 

You know the time I’m talking about.  

Leggings and big sweaters were all well and good up until around mid-April when you could pass them off with a slight of hand and an, “Oh, I didn’t realize it was going to be so warm today. It’s been cold all week.” 

But May is just around the corner, and that trick isn’t going to cut it anymore. 

“I’m cold natured,” won’t work under that big sweatshirt if sweat is beading on your forehead while watching your son play soccer. 

Take it from me. Those thin, perky moms are not as stupid as we like to tell our best friend they are. 

Let’s face it. Summer is almost here, which means it’s time to let the dieting games begin.

This year, we have decided to play a game called “Intermittent Fasting.” It’s all the rage right now. Doctors and gurus alike are touting the benefits of not eating except during your “eating window.”

And like all diets, if I’m going to do it, then I expect those around me to know about it. 

The premise is easy enough. You don’t eat except for a few hours a day. 

Look it up. I’m not kidding. It’s a thing. 

Fasting is definitely in vogue now. And with it comes not only weight loss, but also all sorts of health benefits such as lowering both your cholesterol and blood pressure. 

Did I mention the other thing that comes with it?

Aggression. Unbridled, mean-spirited, purely unadulterated aggression. 

Look it up. I’m not kidding. It’s a thing. 

My eating window starts at 5 p.m. and ends at 8 p.m. 

Right? I know. Insanity.

Of course, no more insane than when I bought my dress for my daughter’s graduation – one size too small – as a diet incentive. On sale. No returns. 

If I had to guess, I’d say the aggression started the day after that. 

So…this is happening…whether my friends or family like it or not. 

My husband tried it for about five days. His eating window was noon until 8 p.m., which I don’t really consider an appropriate eating window, because he never got to the point of aggression. 

You can still have three meals, two snacks and a Snow White ice cream cone within the eight-hour span of your eating window. 

I, on the other hand, have just enough time to get home from work, change into my big sweater, fix one meal and my window is closed. 

The rest of the time, I spend watching YouTube videos about whether it works while sucking on ice chips. 

As if I need to watch a video to figure this out. 

I’m not eating. That’s how it works. 

Oh, sorry. I’m yelling again.  

Graduation is in about five weeks. To the victor go the spoils. Or alternatively, may those Spanx I just ordered do the trick.

Comments? You can email Angel Kane at [email protected] Becky Andrews and Kane are the brains behind Telling Tales, a weekly column in The Democrat.


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