I was scrolling through emails prior to leaving for the day last Wednesday when a subject line just jumped out at me. It read “Bacon Scented Underwear.”
If I remember correctly, the first words out of my mouth were “the apocalypse is upon us.” Like I said, I love bacon as much as the next person (and more than several people), but bacon scented underwear???? Really? And one sentence from the email just about made me fall out of my chair.
“Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments.”
I didn’t know that there were standards for meat-scented undergarments, since this is the first one I’ve even heard of. The email says the bacon scent should last from six months to a year. It also warns of several things you should not do. For example, the email says the underwear is “not recommended for people in the following professions: mail carriers, zookeepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers.”
I know there are plenty of scented items out there on the market today. There are probably other kinds of scented undergarments that I just haven’t seen (or have ignored and forgotten about). But this email just had me shaking my head. Maybe it was the tone. Or maybe it was really that I could not imagine why you’d want to wear such a thing. I know there are people out there who will, but you won’t see me doing it.
Oh yes ladies, they have us covered too. Apparently the latest in meat-scented fashion is available for men and women. Just remember though, heed the above warnings so no unpleasant accidents occur.
Kimberly Jordan is a staff writer for The Democrat. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Twitter @wilsonnewsroom.