We met in the education department of our college, and after graduation, we both took jobs in the public school system. I enjoy my career, but he loathes his. He complains constantly without seeming to take action on the issue. I know he’s miserable, but he hasn’t looked for other jobs or enrolled in a new school program.
I have bad days, too, but I’ve reached the end of listening to the constant griping. I am usually a positive person, but he is dragging my mood down because of this. He says I need to guide him and give him some direction, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t think it’s my responsibility to tell another adult what he should or shouldn’t do with his life. I don’t mind helping him talk through his choices, but he wants more from me.
This is the man I want to marry. Is there a way to get past this issue and make it work? – UNCERTAIN AND LOST
DEAR UNCERTAIN: Until your boyfriend has settled this uncertainty about his work life, any discussion about marriage should be put on hold. I agree you are not qualified to give him career advice. However, you might ask him to tell you what exactly it is that he hates about his job, and what he would rather be doing. His answers may give both of you insight into what he may be better suited for emotionally, and stimulate him to do something positive about his future. Once he has more clarity, there may be places he can go for career counseling that can help him decide what his next steps should be.
DEAR ABBY: We bought our first home seven months ago. We love it, except for one major issue. Our neighbor, who’s the same age as I am, is the biggest hypochondriac and laziest person I’ve ever seen.
She was training to be a police officer, but she had a headache every day, so she got let go last year. Ever since then we have been supporting her (food, Wi-Fi, OTC meds, feminine products). I finally cut her off for about a week until she Facebook-messaged me saying she was starving and hadn’t eaten for two days, so I gave in. I gave her a job last week, and she didn’t show up the first day.
What should I do? It’s causing arguments between my husband and me. I hate to think she’s hungry. – TROUBLED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TROUBLED: You are a kindhearted person, but you are being taken advantage of. If your neighbor has family that can be located, they should be notified that she’s unable to care for herself. If no relative is willing to take responsibility for her, contact social services or direct the woman to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen. I suspect her problems are more extensive than headaches and procrastination.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.