I’m afraid I’m being deceptive when I meet a man like that. When is the right time to tell a man what he sees is not what he gets? -- EMBARRASSED IN OHIO
DEAR EMBARRASSED: The logical time to tell someone would be at the point you are becoming intimate enough that he would be running his hands through your hair.
DEAR ABBY: My mother married my father in 1960 when she was barely 16. She was the mother of two children before age 18. My father was older, controlling, abusive and unkind to her.
She wrote to your mother for advice in the 1960s, saying he still carried a photo of his old girlfriend in his wallet and how much it hurt her. Your mother’s advice to her was to “grow up.” In light of how the times have changed, I am wondering what your advice to her would be in 2017? Both parents are now deceased. -- CURIOUS DAUGHTER
DEAR CURIOUS: Although there were fewer options available for women in 1960 than there are today, I’m shocked that your mom received the advice she did over my mother’s signature. My response today would be to ask her why she had chosen to stay with a controlling, emotionally abusive man who persisted in carrying around a photo of his ex-girlfriend in spite of the fact that he knew it hurt his wife. And then I’d suggest she ask herself whether she thought the three of you were better off with him or without him.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.